As much as I try to deny it, I have been in love with New York City since I was a child growing up on the streets of Brooklyn. NY has always amazed me, I shared my happiest childhood times with NY, playing around the green and red rusted pump in the summer, the water shooting out with so much force that my tiny body was lifted off the asphalt and brought to the ground while gushing water nearly drowned me, double dutching with the neighborhood girls, climbing up fire escapes with the boys and playing "ring and run". I always denied this affair and brushed it off as a normal childhood interaction. When I got a little bit older, the affair developed and became almost obsessive. I wanted to know everything about NY, I wanted to explore every inch, I wanted to learn all I could about the people, the history, the culture. Sometimes, I learned how cruel NYC could be like when my friends sister was found dead in the East River, NYC surprised me, how can such an amazing place harbor such pain and hurt? When my father left us, I always wondered if he was hidden away in some unexplored NYC nook, I wanted to find him, to bring him back to us. But NYC was too intimidating, I couldn't and didn't know how.
Growing up in Brooklyn in the 1980's there was always some interesting story to talk to my friends about. The neighborhood crack head that grabbed my wrist one day and wouldn't let go, the candy we stole from the store, the boy that sent me a Winnie the Pooh Valentine, it was all there in its great NYC culture.
Eventually I left NYC, I had enough, it was getting old. I had so many good times, living in the center of Manhattan in the dorms while in college, running track races in all the parks, making friends from every borough, but it was also full of pain. Poverty, growing up without heat and electricity in the freezing cold, being abandoned by people that said they loved me, and then there was 911, I worked in the WTC during that time, luckily I was off that day, and I am still alive.
I've left NY several times, first to explore new love affairs with other states, I fell in love with a few, but they were superficial and short lived, I admired the culture and beaches of Miami, the warm sea breezes and beautiful people. The shops of LA in all their glorious splendor, and not to mention the restaurants of Chicago,with their delicious fondue and thick delicious pizza, but all the loves were artificial in a way, there was no connection, and I always returned to my one true love-- NY.
Eventually NYC had me so wrapped up that I knew I had to break free once and for all. I moved to Belfast to begin a new affair with the British & Irish. I eventually and slowly got over my deep connection to NYC, I began waking up every morning and thinking about running in the green hills and passing by the sheep and geese and not about the neighborhood traffic and subway smells in NY. I soon started reading the Belfast Telegraph and slowly freed myself from the New York Times, I even decided to spend my Christmas & New Years in France instead of the comfort of good ole NYC! At that moment, I knew it was over and it would never be the same again.
I now live in Spain. I am in NYC at the moment and have a few more hours here. I am ready to leave though. NYC and its culture started a new love affair with my ex boyfriend, Johnny. He is now caught up, but I understand because I have been through it. It took me a long time to free myself but I am finally out. Now it's Johnny's turn, if he wants, he can, but it will be a tough journey, I understand the NYC pull.
I love you NY, always and forever, you're just not the place for me right now.
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