onward and upward-- another transition

When bad things happen to good-hearted people, that means that better things are on their way. I'm not just saying this to say it, it has been my experience through-out my whole life. Anytime I was down about something, better things came along, whether it was a better boyfriend, a better job, a better travel experience, a better friend. 

Out of every loss, I ultimately gained.

The bad things are actually blessings in disguise. There wasn't enough room for the better thing, so something had to be taken away.

So now, with the loss of my husband, I know that there was a reason for that.

So far, since he left, I've developed a great relationship with a long-lost friend of mine (I'm pretty sure that this happened because I let go of a negative friend in my life and this opened up a positive relationship for me). She is one of the nicest people ever and we have so many common interests! :) 

I've been offered a promotion at my job, instead of directing one program, I was offered a position to direct all of the programs (like an idiot, I was considering not taking it, because I thought there was a possibility that I would reunite with my husband, but that was just a dream, a fantasy). I'm now sure that I will take it. 

The next step is finding a life partner. I need time to heal, but soon I'll start going on dates to see whats out there. Its been seven years since I dated in NYC. The game has changed, I'm sure. Now I'm an adult with a lot more to offer. I've been in non-stop relationships since I was 23. This is going to be the first time I'm single in a long time. I'm not going to look, but I'm going to take any opportunity that is presented to me to meet someone new, you never know, they could be the one that I was waiting for!

I need to stay positive to get through this. But one thing is for sure, I'm moving on with my life and I'm open to anything!

ONWARD AND UPWARD- thats my motto.

sadness

I've done too much to turn back
 and I've done too much to move on.

Still so sad, but getting by day-by-day.

The first stages of separation: How I'm coping

So yesterday started out pretty bad, understandably. I was brought to terms with what my future would be. I faced the reality that the life I planned for myself and my husband would not exist anymore, the fairy tale life we lived did not have a happy ending.

So I cried and cried, and cried some more. I cried in my house, I cried outside, I cried in the coffee shop, I cried on the phone, I cried in the train station.

Then I stopped.

I took control of myself and my emotions and refused to sit and be sad any longer. It was time to make a change, starting with the apartment we shared together. I thought, if I am going to be happy, I have to make my apartment happy. So I transplanted all of my plants I gave them new soil and fertilizer. I spoke to them and strategically placed them around the house in areas that they would be content. My heart was happy as I was taking care of them.

Next thing I did was take all the pictures of my husband down and replace the pictures in the frame with happy memories of people that I know would never hurt me, family and friends.

Then I hopped on my bike (I still cant run because of my injuries) and went on a 10-mile bike ride through Brooklyn, it was a beautiful sunny day and I felt the sun kissing my cheeks, it was magnificent. I didn't want to go back home! But I did, I took a cool shower, smothered my body with Aloe Vera and sweet smelling perfume, took off my wedding ring, once and for all (no reason for living a false hope and posing as a married woman) and I headed out to Bushwick Brooklyn for some authentic salsa dancing.

I felt complete. I made MYSELF feel complete. NO ONE ELSE makes me feel complete but ME. By the end of the night, I walked through my door and the energy of my apartment was different. It was welcoming, it wasn't sad as it once was. 

I knew that everything would be okay, because I'm in charge of my own destiny.

I dictate my own life and it will be a happy one surrounded by people that want to be with me, that will be there for me no matter what. I wouldn't have it any other way!

xo

(inspired Mendoza)