sadness

I've done too much to turn back
 and I've done too much to move on.

Still so sad, but getting by day-by-day.

The first stages of separation: How I'm coping

So yesterday started out pretty bad, understandably. I was brought to terms with what my future would be. I faced the reality that the life I planned for myself and my husband would not exist anymore, the fairy tale life we lived did not have a happy ending.

So I cried and cried, and cried some more. I cried in my house, I cried outside, I cried in the coffee shop, I cried on the phone, I cried in the train station.

Then I stopped.

I took control of myself and my emotions and refused to sit and be sad any longer. It was time to make a change, starting with the apartment we shared together. I thought, if I am going to be happy, I have to make my apartment happy. So I transplanted all of my plants I gave them new soil and fertilizer. I spoke to them and strategically placed them around the house in areas that they would be content. My heart was happy as I was taking care of them.

Next thing I did was take all the pictures of my husband down and replace the pictures in the frame with happy memories of people that I know would never hurt me, family and friends.

Then I hopped on my bike (I still cant run because of my injuries) and went on a 10-mile bike ride through Brooklyn, it was a beautiful sunny day and I felt the sun kissing my cheeks, it was magnificent. I didn't want to go back home! But I did, I took a cool shower, smothered my body with Aloe Vera and sweet smelling perfume, took off my wedding ring, once and for all (no reason for living a false hope and posing as a married woman) and I headed out to Bushwick Brooklyn for some authentic salsa dancing.

I felt complete. I made MYSELF feel complete. NO ONE ELSE makes me feel complete but ME. By the end of the night, I walked through my door and the energy of my apartment was different. It was welcoming, it wasn't sad as it once was. 

I knew that everything would be okay, because I'm in charge of my own destiny.

I dictate my own life and it will be a happy one surrounded by people that want to be with me, that will be there for me no matter what. I wouldn't have it any other way!

xo

(inspired Mendoza)