So it's 4am on an early Wednesday morning. My bedroom is pretty warm, mainly because I don't want artificial cold something blowing on me, so I decided, quite naturally, to opt out of the luxury of AC this summer. Tonight I'm giving that decision a second thought, along with many others.
My mind is racing. So many things have been happening. I often wonder why people make certain decisions in their life and why they decide to include me in those decisions/actions along the way-- or the reverse, why my personal decisions are tied into someone else's. Everything happens for a reason, I believe this, but sometimes I just don't have all the answers, nor should I, to everything.
Because I don't understand a lot of things going on right now, I am spending an early morning with thoughts popping/running/speeding through my mind. Tossing and turning in bed, trying to find the perfect position to find that ultimate peaceful space.
Not happening.
My pillows are not cooperating with the state that I am attempting to place myself in, the left side of my brain is not allowing me to focus on what it is I need to focus on (sleep-- that wonderful thing that people need in order to function properly in everyday society), and my soul-- my soul, that thing that many people don't quite understand, that "being" in ourselves that most people question, is hurt right now. It's injured, it needs to heal, that's why my eyes are in an erect state and I am trying to focus my pupil on this man-made screen in front of me.
That's why I am up, in this warm-- sticky room, unable to be at peace with my own mind, my soul wont allow it. Hopefully this is a one night lesson. A lesson, I so desperately need.
I'm off to make peace with myself now.
xo
My mind is racing. So many things have been happening. I often wonder why people make certain decisions in their life and why they decide to include me in those decisions/actions along the way-- or the reverse, why my personal decisions are tied into someone else's. Everything happens for a reason, I believe this, but sometimes I just don't have all the answers, nor should I, to everything.
Because I don't understand a lot of things going on right now, I am spending an early morning with thoughts popping/running/speeding through my mind. Tossing and turning in bed, trying to find the perfect position to find that ultimate peaceful space.
Not happening.
My pillows are not cooperating with the state that I am attempting to place myself in, the left side of my brain is not allowing me to focus on what it is I need to focus on (sleep-- that wonderful thing that people need in order to function properly in everyday society), and my soul-- my soul, that thing that many people don't quite understand, that "being" in ourselves that most people question, is hurt right now. It's injured, it needs to heal, that's why my eyes are in an erect state and I am trying to focus my pupil on this man-made screen in front of me.
That's why I am up, in this warm-- sticky room, unable to be at peace with my own mind, my soul wont allow it. Hopefully this is a one night lesson. A lesson, I so desperately need.
I'm off to make peace with myself now.
xo
3 comments:
joder!! todo eso que has escrito es muy profundo y muy bonito. pero... que te pasa??? que te hace sentir y pensar todo eso???
estas bien??? es por mi culpa??? me siento mal mi amor. si tu no estas bien y feliz, yo tampoco lo estoy.
besitos cariño mio. no olvides que te hecho muchisimo de menos y te amo con todo mi corazon!
I hope you are ok. I dont know why you feel the way you feel besides it being hella hot in NYC this very early morning. But I will say that the part about your soul is exactly how I felt when ... well you already know :-/
You described that one portion so well and I related to it so much that it actually made me teary eyed. (but I'm at work so I choked on them instead)Guess I'm still kinda hurt by it all.
Hope your nights get better and your troubles go away.
~Meme~
thanks Meme!
yeah, it sucks feeling this way, today was a bit better.
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