my relationship memorial blog

2009: The first picture we ever took together at a Mexican Restaurant in Malaga, Spain. I put my hand in his and he held it, not letting it go for what seemed like forever. I knew from this moment I would be his para siempre. It felt right.

Let me rewind for a bit. We met at work, in an elementary school, I was teaching English and he was teaching Spanish. 

It was like a fairy tale. We took long walks on the beach, went on mini vacations around Spain together, and spent every evening just enjoying each others company:

Then the summer came and it was time for me to go back to NYC for 3 months. It was sad, but Spanish guy came to visit me for two weeks. We did all the touristy stuff:

After a great summer in NYC, it was time for me to return to Spain. This time I had an apartment waiting for me, with Spanish guy. It was his first time living away from his family and it was a HUGE risk for me, living in another country with a guy, I had to have complete trust in him, and I did. We built a home together on calle jinetes de mierda, pero para nosotros no era mierda, era bliss, pure bliss:

I stayed there for 9 months. During that time, we celebrated holidays, spent time with friends, traveled to Barcelona, and Valencia and about 10 other Spanish towns, we did fun and silly things, we were pretty silly when we were around each other, it was amazing.

I wanted to stay in Spain forever, but I didn't get my job contract renewed, and thats when things changed. Spanish guy proposed to me and we were SOOOO happy! We made plans to come to NYC so that he can get to know my family, friends and culture before he married me, and thats what he did. We built a NYC life together:

painted the apartment

went apple picking

we celebrated American holidays together:

We had our engagement party which was one of the best parties that I could have ever imagined!

Then came the big day. We were both so emotional. I couldn't even speak as I was saying my vows and neither could he. I had a huge lump in my throat trying not to cry. I was committing myself to the man of my dreams. I had given myself to someone 100%, I've NEVER done that before, EVER-- WITH ANYONE! and I felt so good and confident with our future:

Then we went on our honeymoon to Miami and Key West, it was so fun, so romantic, everything was perfect,

 this was the last picture we took together:

ten days later he left.

one month later he did the unthinkable while in spain. the trust was broken, and so was my heart.

2011 (today), more than two years since that day I met him in the elementary school, en la sala de professores: i know I will never see him again. 

he doesn't know if he is in love with me.

he doesn't want to be married.

he is not coming back to nyc.

I cant really say that I am getting divorced, because I never really had a marriage. He never gave it a chance, WE never had a chance to make this work. So I have finally accepted it and am making it known that this happy relationship that we shared is officially over.

Who would have known that that day in March, that cold morning when I said goodbye to him... who knew that that would be forever?

This blog is my relationship memorial. I mourn the man that I had in my life since 2009, but not the man he is now. I don't like the man he has become and I'm not sad to leave this new man. 

This blog is a celebration of our relationship and an opportunity to let go. I've accepted the end, but for me its a new beginning.